How to respond

Once apon a time, there was a friend
Followed by a silent goodbye, with no reason.

Meanings

Music, it's for keeping the thoughts quiet.

Learn from the worst

I guess I'm just... passionate.
I'm passionate about not being myself.

You

It was almost as if I knew as long as I had you, nothing could ever be that bad.

To please

You need to come off as a simple soul.
Your depth kept deeply concealed.

If I keep it up.

I hate how all this time you made me feel like I was the one who'd made the mistake.

Sara: Sara

As for myself?
I have been looking for the key as well..
But even when I found it
Love wouldn't open it's big glass gates for me
So I had to shatter them
And the glass
Stabbed love, right through the heart.

Sara: Traveler

You're halfway around the world,
And you're still here,
In my mind.

Sara: An Education

I learnt that you cannot hide from the things which you regret,
They're always there
And they never look away.

Sara: Fuck this

There's nothing more dangerous than a youth with no shame.

Sara: Don't think

The perfect way to fix my mistakes is by jumping straight into another one,
Sadly,
I'm again
Mistaken.

Sara: "To whom it may concern"

The worst way to recieve love, in any case, is to demand it.

Sara: The Mistake

Everything was going fine,
Before I thought I could fix things.

Sara: Hello, I'm me.

I like to trust everyone with at least one secret,
That way I can be content in knowing there's a little piece of me everywhere.

Sara: Humaity at it's natural peak

It's funny how the clouds could seem so intact yet when it rains they seem to reach out towards the earth as if looking to be held or for someone to hold..

Sara: MSG

For all the heartbroken out there - the "not giving a shit" feeling starts to kick in at exactly 3:51 a.m.

Sara: When it rains

It's funny how the clouds seem so intact and then when it rains they seem to reach out towards the earth.. As if looking to be held or for someone to hold.

Sara: Keep it

I like to trust everyone with at least one secret.

That way I can be content knowing there's a little piece of me everywhere.

Sara: Trigger

Everything was going fine before I thought I could fix things.

Sara: Lie

Don't worry,

I only loved you temporarily too...

Sara: Lump it

Admit it,

You and I were a fantasy.

Sara: Narrow

When I told you to "be ridiculous"
This isn't exactly what I had in mind.

Sara: Home

I feel as if you could blow on me, and I'd vanish.

Sara: What I mean

Your name has been repeated so many times in my mind it doesn't even seem like a realistic word anymore.

Sara: Temporary

Me
You
Friends
Friendships
Relationships
Freedom
This table
This glass
This book
This knowledge
This greeting
This meal
This shirt
This lamp
This feeling
This state of being
The words "I love you"

Sara: A year a gone

It's almost as if,

This year,

I'm doing all the things I never had the guts to do last time.

Sara: Hunger

It was all just one nice piece of cake pie.

Sara: Beauty

Yeah yeah,

we can all be "born poets"

Sara: Our globe

We've made life an excuse.

Sara: Bubble

I find some strange enjoyment in being oblivious to the rest of the world.

Sara: A, B, C, ...

You hate to think you're a-typical.

But you've spent so long studying people and the way they are

That you've become one of them.

That's right;

You're just like every other pig out there.

Sara: Big, fat, mess.

I like how anyone can say "I love you" now.

Because it doesn't mean a thing anymore.

Even as you're reading this, shaking your head.

The written words seem familiar to you.

Sara: They say - "Careful what you wish for."

We ought to let up on using our eyes,

And start using our ears.

Sara: Differences

There are four kinds of people in the living world;

Those who like being told what they want to hear,

Those who tell people what they want to hear,

Those who fall under both categories,

And then there's the rather ignorant bunch,

Who think they are neither.

Sara: The kaleidoscope

Are you sure the only thing you're looking for out there, is yourself?

Sara: Clouds

I will call it music to the soul

And you can call it rubbish.

Sara: Passion

Photography is just about being in the right place at the wrong time.

And the funny part about it all is

Some of the best photographs, are of cameras..

Sara: For the love of it

Throughout our story, I was never the naive character.

But it seems I did a pretty good job of making you believe I was.

Sara: One sided

Don't worry about her;

Lovers are seldom happy.

Sara: Plot

Anyone can make them self seem like the only victim in their own lives.

Sara: Reluctance

Naive:

when you wish everyone would mean what they say.

Sara: The things you say

Since when it being unreal, attractive?

Sara: You

The day I have enough strength to let go of my fairytale thoughts,
I will let them go beautifully, gently.

Sara: Preferences

I like people like you

Because you're not people like me.

Sara: Lifes tragedy

One moment you could be overwhelmed with the most amazing feeling,

And an hour later you are thousands of miles apart.

The Wizard of Oz did no good for me. Sure, he gave so-and-so a heart or a brain or some courage, but the one thing that he can't give me is you.

Sara: The one countless thought

When I'm alone, I miss the wrong things.

But I always miss these things..

Sara: Fairytales should have just kept their mouths shut.

Magic beans don't mean a thing to me

Or reality.

Sara: Time

They were right, everyone.

I regret you so much.

Sara: Priorities

Here, happiness is a luxury.

Only the privileged feel it.

Only the ones who "deserve" it.

Sara: You don't understand.

I'm looking back and remembering..
I remember how you used to mean something to me.
I remember how you used to mean a lot of somethings,
Almost everything.
Then I think of today
And I think of how much he means to me.
And how it's so different, but exactly the same..
And how if it chooses to end the same,
I know I will not be able to live with myself for the rest of my life.

Sara: Baby, if you were still around maybe i wouldn't leave.

Maybe, we all need to be that pathetic loser staring longingly at the phone,
waiting for a ring.
Maybe not only for one moment.

Sara: Bleed

It was never my wish to tattoo your heart;

I never wanted to hurt you.

But it just so happens that once I got started,

I couldn't stop.

Sara: I smile

And the most unfortunate thing;
Is when it's plain to see I have bruised you

But I don't intend to do anything about it.

Sara: The recent death of humanity

I created something beautiful,
out of an ugly you.

Sara: Perception

If death were treated like a disease,
Maybe we'd find a cure.

Sara: Clouds

And the walls say they miss you,
But I don't.

Sara: One year past heartbreak central

I've been thinking about you a lot today. I'm maybe a little too aware that we haven't spoken much in the past year... I don't know where you are, or who you're with, or if you're thinking about me too right now. But, I really hope you're doing okay, no matter who you're laying with now.. and I hope that one day, for some girl, you can keep all the promises you broke with me.

Sara: Love

Because sometimes, you need to make your own luck.

Sara: Pulse

It becomes tiring to stare at you across full rooms of empty people speaking nothing silently.

Sara: The life of me

I'm not strong enough to hold you and I up in the air any longer.

It's like;

You're just pathetic,

And I'm a lost cause.

Sara: 13 seconds

Pride sets in

And our hearts fly out the window.

Sara: The definition of Hope.

Maybe, we need to stop hoping that someone will give a shit.

Sara: Music to my eyes.

It's incredible

But I'm scared.

It scares me.

Sara: Live it

Life has taught me to ignore the signs

if you do not want to get hurt.

Sara: Perception

They call it awenesty for a reason.

Sara: All that I need

I hate one thing

And that's the fact that the sun sets behind me.

Sara: She doesn't believe in shooting stars.

I can honestly say I'm happy for you this time.

I am happy that your promise breaking arse is getting played with.

I am happy that you are going to get your heart broken again as soon as someone better comes around.

I am happy that you are letting her do this to you after everything.

Yes sir, very..verrry, happy.

Sara: The wise

No matter who's there
If you miss someone
You miss someone.

Sara

Garbages only exist in society.

Sara: Truth

The hills don't actually have eyes, it doesn't matter what the movies say.

Sara: Do not fall so hard

Is it too much to ask to want to build something without needing to watch it break?

Sara: Oh. Yes. Pretend..

I'm a compulsive liar,

I always tell the truth.

Things change.

Sara: Your game and i hate the rules

I have no reason for doing anything

Sara: Impossible

Son,

the only thing about me with a pair,

is my own breath.

Sara: Lean on me

And I will lean

My own chin

On

My own shoulder

Uncomfortably.

Sara: Born Blind

Tonight I looked over at you and wondered if you ever feel lonely

I wondered if you ever will feel alone.

Sara: In front of my eyes

So I've been thinking.

Maybe this whole high school experience, the people you meet, the party's you wreck....don't matter. In the long run, we all end up with jobs; educations.. Who cares if so and so was a slut back when. And it doesn't matter if this person or that person was "in" with everyone or didn't know half the party population.

It just doesn't matter.

Sara: Peeve

I hate it when people hate

Sara: The 'i' you put into TEAM.

I needed you;
The team needed you..

You don't care.
You were going to walk out on both of us...

Sara: Force

And you push on my heart
You just won't stop the fucking pushing

Sara: Question

Does anyone even really speak anymore?

Sara: For twice, the truth.

It's the hardest thing to bear but I won't say anything. Ever. I told people I'm over it. So I'll live the lie that is my life.

I don't see you that often,
but when I do it doesn't hurt so bad.
You almost make me forget for a second..
I guess that's why we're best friends.

Sara: Tough

What do you deserve

Sara: Unique?

It's the fact that I lay awake at night...for a long time. And I look at my chat list where there are over 150 people online.. And I don't find myself feeling like I can talk to a single one of them.
It's that kind of loneliness.

Sara: Look, see, think.

I find it terrible that when I find someone who is genuinely nice,
I am very surprised.

Sara: I wanna, i wanna, i wanna.

Everyone wants to be friends with the popular girl,
But no one wants to be her.

Sara: Meaningless

But isn't that life? Just how it is and how your problems are and how your relationships are and it's all just a bunch of unsolved problems waiting to be solved.
And then
if you're lucky
you get some
philosophy
and
fantasy
in the middle of it all...

Sara: What rude means

After watching last nights performance I think I will stick to my proper English plays instead of watching old men yell into microphones about meaningless bullshit that paints pornographic images into the minds of the audience.

Sara: The ancient

Is this the legacy we're leaving behind?
What we're going to teach out children?
To all be alike and bubbly and to have no real or passionate opinions and not to trust anyone and to love falsely
making ourselves and the people we are betraying think it is something real?
What kind of life is this where two people cannot carry out a normal, thought out conversation.
Where we must speak of nothing of depth in order to be happy.

I can't be the only one who's noticed...

Sara: Click click, bitch.

You can sit there and watch us
And judge us as we play.
We will dance out in front of bathroom mirrors
To old rock songs..
Because as much as you hate to see someone else enjoying themselves..
Sometimes,
You gotta grow down.

Sara: Movement

Your soul is the movie
You are the dialogue.

Sara: Never regret a thing.

I've found it too easy to take a breath
and swallow my own pain.
I just move it from my mind
to my stomach.
And then it becomes something none of us
can notice.

Sara: The figures on your paper even out on both sides now.

These girls mind games work because they make you think you're feeling what you really wanna feel.

Sara: If I ruled the world.

If I had a religion the first sin would be sanity.

Sara: There goes the fear.

People always tell me that the eyes are the window to the soul.
Well your soul is beautiful;
And I know
Because i've seen your eyes..

Sara: _________

I say maybe too much.

Sara: Hills

All I want and all I ever wanted was to help. I just happened to be able to help everyone but myself. So maybe I'll die tonight jumping infront of a bullet for a stranger. If my reflexes were fast enough hopefully I died with dignity.

Sara: We hide.

We'll walk, talk, laugh.

Like always.

But for now,

Only when you hold me we will be closer.

Sara: Kill, Break, Burn, Speak.

Stay up.

Even if it's only for a while.

Enough for me to say 'I'm Sorry'

That's all I want.

Sara: Importance

I had lost something valuable;

yet I'm tingling with the buzz of what you give off.

Don't flick the switch.

Sara: Far away

It relieves me that you still believe in your fairy tales.

I just hope that I will get to be your princess.

Because I was wasting so much time looking for a you;

That was as good at being you, as you.

Sara: 4:00 am.

Sleep escapes me.
Time slips through my fingers once again.
I read somewhere once:
"The holes between our fingers are meant for someone else to place theirs there."
Maybe if you were here,
Time wouldn't slip.
Maybe it could stop for us..

Maybe for a little while

Sara: Lonely is only a six letter word.

Clock lights 2:57 am.
Silence.

Check again, 2:58am.
Too quiet.
Blast music.

Slowly, 2:59am.
I feel so small in my room.
Prisioner, in my own bed.

Clock lights 3:00am.
Time been significant somehow?
Forgotten.

Sara: We bullshit about sunsets

I'll remember alone tonight.
And I know I will not sleep till you put your arms around me.
Tomorrow, shall we sit in distant fields and talk about nothing and everything..
I'd like for us to stay there
Only until the years run out.

Sara: Red tape

Why are we encouraged
to speak
an infinite deal of nothing?

Sara: Do you know... you're hurting someone, right now. Wherever you are.

Maybe nothing happens for a reason.
What if us and we and all our actions are just random...guesses.
And one day someone decided that people were mindless idiots and told them that whatever they do, makes the future.
And that the future is all planned out already.
But maybe it doesn't,
And maybe it isn't.
In the end...the only reason we overthink things is because we believe that everything DOES happen for a reason...
Or maybe it's because we think it should.

Sara: Only in fiction, though i wish it all worked out in reality.

So why don't you do like you do and go find someone who makes you feel special for five minutes?! I just don't-..no..- CAN'T care anymore.

Sara: Hahaha Hohoho and a couple of Tralala's

It must be great to have me around to swallow all your pain.

Sara: Only two kinds of love 1) being whipped and 2) Whipping

I put my heart out on the table,

Made myself vulnerable.

Looked at you deeply, searching.

Said, "Look, here is my weak spot."

And pointed.

You took a quick look.

Looked into my eyes;

Meaninglessly.

You built up your wall in those three moments.

Said, "That's nice hon."

And turned to walk away.

I watched you drench it in ink,

and push it to the floor,

'accidentally'.

Weak spot first.

Sara: Maybe the answer is in not feeling anything.

When you feel too much,

People lose the notice.

Sara: Scream, dance, shake, pound.

I want more than anything to feel.

Everything.

The beat running through my veins;

Up my spine.

Don't want to shake it off;

Mix it in.

Sara: Formalities

As he sings to me, "Hello Juliet"..

I know he isn't Romeo.

Sara: Morning never came, so you lied.

He tells her, "Be smart."

Tells me, "Don't do anything stupid."

Sara: The sky is blue and the grass is green

You call yourself a visionary,

But how much do you're three eyes see,

When one is shut?

Sara: Reasons to understand

If someone asks me why I could tell them, "because it's easy. Because there is no game, no chase. I know exactly what he wants out of me. And it's just so simple in being that way." And they could reply, "How horrid."

Sara: Life as I see it

Some things are better left unsaid;

maybe I should stop thinking aloud.

Sara: What you think you need

I could tell you what the world is like;

I could take your hand and I could show you it all.

Sara: Had

I've been robbed,

Where's my smile

Sara: Arrows and Bones

All love ever taught me was how to shot itself at anyone who stood in the way of you getting by; anyone who wanted to help; anyone. It made itself the ultimate weapon of survival.

Sara: A love story-Hope.

The world seems to find enjoyment in making fools of everyone who considers themselves a believer.

Sara: The beast and the beauty.

So unrealistic; but you were such a heavenly idea.

Sara: The red on my mirror

I worry for you so much that some days it kills me completely. Some days it leaves nothing of me but ashes. It leaves me with no trace of anything.

Sara: Lying awake at night

People really seem to love making me experience things I can never truly have or feel.

Sara: So

You've done it. You took all your pain, and you made something beautiful.

How wonderful.

Now other generations can enjoy in your pain;

how does that make you think?

Sara: Come on home

I'm going to turn around.

I've had enough of this "cat, mouse" theory.

I'm going to give someone what they want, for once. I'm going to give up what I want and love and need.

Someone has to.

And it is worth the try.

Sara: She was good for you like you were good to me.

We only "fall in love" to piss other people off, to prove them wrong. In this battle we are never the winners.

Sara: Chess

Why did I have to be just another one of those girls that you checked off your list?

Me still here, caring, taking your pains off your shoulders late at night?

Check.

Would still take a bullet for you?

Check.

Not what you want?

Check.

Sara: The black pen

People believe that they cannot fall in love without being neglected in some way, at some time. People are right. Most people are wrong.

Sara: The rock you sit on

You love to hide behind your metaphors, to never say what you are really thinking, to never truly explain yourself. Don't worry, I'll let you have all the poison I own.

Sara: Under my bed

"I'm losing you and it's effortless.."
I hope you're wrong, when you say what you do.
And I hope I can prove it.

Sara: My fathers wisdom

You know what's the worlds worst sport?

Boxing.

Even when you win,

You get beaten.

Sara: You are my sunshine, and you hang in the sky.

Don't you love how the sky is SO blue after bad storm? Like even though it was inconvenient for a while, now all you have to worry about is getting sunburnt? Gorgeous.

Sara: The thing inside us all.

The flow runs through you like wind and you cannot help but think back. You cannot recall when things started to get bad. You can't recall anything for that matter. Life seems like a blur, and the only feeling left is this. And once it's here, it never really goes away. This is the flow. Embrace it. Care for it. Let it be your guide. It thrives off of our curiosity and only becomes stronger after death. The flow knows of no fairness, but somehow it knows loyalty. It cannot be made in a lab or a basement. The flow is the worlds most dangerous and most addictive drug.

Sara: The things I hide in

I'm tired of flipping pages,

I've been doing it for ages and ages.

Sara: The journey home

From what I see,

my ship has already left without me

and

I'm spending my soul swimming after it.

I think,

It's time to let go of the lost cause.

It's time to drown.

Sara: The magicians steady hands

He goes to pull out the carpet from underneath you

In the blink of an eye

You're surroundings have changed completely

The chi is off

The carpet is gone

And you never even felt a thing

Sara: The price of living

We are all people. We all have limbs to move, joints to bend. We all have a soul. We are exactly the same as each other with minor differences. We have no good reason to treat one of ourselves like shit. So then the question arises: Why do we all meet at least one person in our lifetime that makes us despise life itself?

Sara: The Whip

Why do girls whip guys so well and so carelessly? It's the least meaningful thing you can do I would think.. And the ones that do it are usually shallow (only if they continue to lead the guy on and don't tell him what's what) But the guys never even realise it.

Sara: The happiness problem

It is far too easy to get stuck in that moment of happiness. Some of us never get out. Most of us never get above it to see who the person who made us happy, really is. And most of the time; the happiness is superficial.

Something we just made up in our minds.

Something we read up on in our novels or watched on the big screen that we decided we liked the look of.
So you say how happy someone made you. But if they make you sad now.. It's never going to be the same and frankly, the person is probably the exact opposite of who you thought.

Trust me,

I know.

Sara: She wears her fake in her sock, where you may not spot it.

There's a big difference between what's truly unreal and what is only unreal in fiction. There is the same difference between girls who are sweethearts and girls who pretend to be sweethearts. For reasons yet unknown to humans, men have an extraordinarily hard time figuring out the differences.

Sara: We leave secret messages as if we're just borrowing inanimate objects.

"I need it. Mine is broken, thanks :)."

Sara: Tell me a bedtime story.

You write, but not with enough clarity to read. How unfair that you keep such a mind in your closet in fear of not fitting in. Maybe it's because your thoughts scare you; maybe they kill you on the inside. And you think 'if they kill me, what'll other people think?' So you write, but without clarity.

Sara: I hate talking about feelings, too.

And you find different songs to represent your feelings. Because you think you cannot put your own feelings into words. And in the end, the lyrics to the song were never your feelings. The lyrics were a lie. A cover up for things you could not say yourself. A mask. Another thing to hide behind as if in this world you needed one. The lyrics were just stolen feelings; because if you face it, your own feelings scared you.

Sara: I'll be your clown.

You made me happy like a joke that never lost it's touch.

Why is the joke over?

Sara: My fiction.

You didn't become the story I couldn't tell anyone. You became the story I could. You became The Story. You became my story....

Sara: Beep Boop Bam

Did that shiny piece of technology help you fall in love? No. No, it helped break your tiny heart. And made you believe in people who don't exsist. Call me old fashioned, but I'm wondering where romance went. Where face to face sober socializing went. Because I'm frightened without it.

Sara: Society died along with chivalry.

It's the principal of the thing; hasn't it always been.

Then why so easily forgotten.

Sara: I know you.

You present yourself with a picture of your smiling face. But you aren't happy. You're not even close. The only reason you put it up is because no one likes to talk to a depressed soul. The ill natured-feeling soul. You know the feeling I'm talking about. The gutless pit of stomach hurting emptiness that never goes away. The hurt that keeps you from having a normal, sustainable conversation. I feel sorry for you. Because I know how it feels. But I also know that it's a self made pain. Because I don't give myself what I want. Why don't you give yourself what You want? Can you not have it, like I can't have you?

Sara: From me, to you; with annoyance.

The whores think whoring around is gross,
Hey, weren't you the one they caught having sex in the bathroom at that one party?
Oh no, but your not a whore.
The fakes think being fake is stupid.
Hey, aren't you the one who won't set foot outside your house without makeup and a flattering outfit? Aren't you the one who gets all flirty and whiny around boys?
Oh no, but you're not fake.
Bitches hate bitches.
Hey, aren't you the one that told that guy off and that other guy oh and that other one..? All for things that were none of your business? Aren't you the one who does immature things to get back at people and "get them out of your life"?
But oh no, you're not a bitch.

Peoples stupidity astounds me some days.

Sara: Good luck with changes.

Honestly, I don't have anything to say. Everything and everyone I once thought was real, isn't. And it really sucks.

Sara: Fall out.

Everyone seems to fall in love with the one they're holding to change. The one person who needs to turn around and look at what they have. In matters of the heart, if we all got what we wanted, none of us would have it.

Sara: The meaning of my help.

The only reason we're going to talk is because I'm the only one who has been here the entire time. I'm the only one who can reassure you. And that's all anyone is looking for; reassurance.

Sara: The next best thing to real.

I don't know what's more upsetting;

the fact that I can relate to Romeo and Juliet,

or the fact that after wishing all this time that love stories were real,

there finally are..

And I'm unhappy with that.

Maybe we should just leave it all for fiction..

Sara: The words my mother never got to hear.

And that "I'm sorry" is so important. It could change the world.

Sara: Something is not right with me and how was I supposed to know?

Life sucks but while we are here we should paint the walls bright colors and call it a day. People give up so easily. It really hurts and bothers me. They try twice and then are like "are you sure?" if you say yes it's like POOF to them caring. And then they leave you with a "call me if you need anything" like no. I won't call. If you really cared well..you would actually try harder. Love it. Absolutely love. It.

Sara: Who we are, and who we really are.

My eyes are broken. I do not see what I think I see. Somewhere in the process of my mind flipping your image over it changes it,

to the image of your bear soul.

Sara: learning not to act on impulses.

It kills to see you depressed this way. It does. But I won't say a thing. I won't say anything. I will rot from the inside of my heart to the outside of my skin until you decide it is time to let me back in. And if that day never comes it's okay; because by the end of this, I will have rotted enough to be part of the earth. And then when you become part of the earth as well, we'll be connected somehow. Then, we'll be one.

Sara: Your favorite color was purple but you always wore black.

Today, one year you have been gone.

One year without seeing that rare, rare, smile.

One year without needing to tell you to calm down.

One year without needing to sit by your bedside to make sure you were okay.

And only half a year without having someone to talk to.

Baka,

when you died, I met someone.

I could talk to them.. about little things,

about bullshit things,

about anything.

But that is no more.

And I miss you so much.

We all miss you so much.

But I miss that person too.

And I'd do anything to get a second chance at seeing you that one last time,

Because I wouldn't mess it up this time.

And I'd give anything to get a second chance, to not mess it up with the person..

So my breath would once again belong to me.

Bako,

I know I was a pain in the rear some days, and then, I wasn't as kind as I should've been.

But you put up with me, and you made everything o.k.

..I really miss things being o.k.

I love you.

Rest in peace L.K.

Sara: I don't owe anyone an explanation of what I'm about to do.

Let's close our eyes and become wonderful places where men fish for clouds that rain on the stars and the moon; and the wind is our only guide through the dark mind of the universe.

Sara: Conformists bother the heck out of me.

You're days may bend you till you break, and then bend another piece of you. Again, again, you're not strong enough to keep your atoms together; so you snap. But does it all really matter? Aren't we all just bits of nothing, stuck in empty places

Sara: While you slept.

Baby, don't fret. You have given up; I haven't won this war yet.
So you lay down and I will write around you.

Sara: I can't let you go if you've already left.

Damn it, it felt too right.

Looking back I see that I predicted this. I know it was too good to be true, not to be let down again. I've been through everything, now this is just adding onto my way of connecting with people. Just to make SURE I have been in every situation, so I can relate. But I don't relate, not really. My mind is always somewhere else, that's why people get the first impression of me that I don't like them. I can't get back down to earth. My heads to high in the clouds.

And they asked me;
'How do you live with yourself?'
And I told them simply,
'I don't'.

People look at me with sympathy. My good friend cried in thought of my situation. If feels like someone died, all over again. It's like a constant cylcle of I'm sorry's and hugs and sympathetic looks. Just like one year ago. I hate this; I'm fine, I can take care of myself.
It's what I've been doing my whole life...

Sara: Like the stars we're born to die.

I suck at love.

I know I kept saying I'm over it.

But I'm not.

This sucks.

It's because I keep remembering how he was telling me that he was sitting on the porch and looking at the moon and how he said that the feeling is perfect with just one thing missing, which he told me was me. "You to share the family feeling with." He said.

Of course by then I had heard this a thousand times. Why did it sound so different when he told me these things...was it because I was whipped from the beginning? Was I ever whipped at all? I fear that these questions will never be answered.. And maybe they shouldn't be. Maybe fate has a different plan. Maybe, I wouldn't be able to stand getting my heart broken again...

It seems almost silly how I am on a string without even meaning to be, how I seem to hang on his every word and question his every action. How I want him so bad, but yet I refuse to give him to myself. I could have him physically in a second. Why does it matter to me so much to have him emotionally attached as well? Is it because all in all he was the first guy to ever truly let me down? The first guy who I allowed to let me down? And while I'm asking questions, I should ask myself: Why do I not see myself with him today? Why do I see him as temporary, like a treat you can only have once in a while? What does this mean I want? Why can't I make up my mind, and why isn't he making it any easier for me to do so?!

I just saw him, someone from my past, not moments ago. I was headed to my friend Sarahs house to help her with photography and there he was. Like what? Then my sister started screaming for no good reason and ugh fml. It was just like the time I saw him in Sobeys, he was in line right after us and my dad was paying for our stuff and I saw him and RAN out of there with my sister screaming my name after me. Wow. Smooth Tina. SHEESH.

Like if she wakes up tomorrow and she's dead she will know who killed her.

..never mind..

See the only difference between this time and that time is that this time

He saw me

Anyways,

My former "best friend" (who has as well, replaced me. surprise, surprise.) sends me "updates" on his life from time to time. Isn't that silly? Isn't that..sad?! I talked to him on the phone the other night and it was as if we had nothing to talk about. I couldn't relate to him on any level at all and it was just so uncomfortable. It made me pretty upset. I started crying throughout the conversation and I didn't even know why. He didn't notice which was a good thing. I just kept thinking that he's going to do four years of high school to finish and I'm in my first year with half my credits already accounted for. It's just sad. He's so smart and he had so much potential and...ugh. Just forget it.

I was talking to Sarah last night and she said she got into an argument with her latest boy. She apparently told him never to speak to her again, because he made his profile picture one of him with his arm around a girl he liked for 9 moths and a bunch of other reasons. I didn't know what to tell her. Like, what is one supposed to say in a situation like that? "Hey, it's going to be okay. He's your prince charming so he will chase after you and blah blah blah." Yeah ladies, in your dreams. We should have all realized this by now : Fairytales are for the story books only for our own amusement. Never thought of it this way but in the end this whole "love" thing is for our amusement as well. Everything is such a joke. I guess it's right when they tell us not to take life so seriously, nobody gets out alive anyways.

She takes photographs of people she knows

She brings out the best and worst in them

And god is buried deep in the folds

Of her fractured self and the lies that they've told

She used to laugh at everything old

It was a joke that never aged a bit

But when they robbed her of her infinite smile

She said maybe I'll just play dead for a while