Sara: Lying awake at night

People really seem to love making me experience things I can never truly have or feel.

Sara: So

You've done it. You took all your pain, and you made something beautiful.

How wonderful.

Now other generations can enjoy in your pain;

how does that make you think?

Sara: Come on home

I'm going to turn around.

I've had enough of this "cat, mouse" theory.

I'm going to give someone what they want, for once. I'm going to give up what I want and love and need.

Someone has to.

And it is worth the try.

Sara: She was good for you like you were good to me.

We only "fall in love" to piss other people off, to prove them wrong. In this battle we are never the winners.

Sara: Chess

Why did I have to be just another one of those girls that you checked off your list?

Me still here, caring, taking your pains off your shoulders late at night?

Check.

Would still take a bullet for you?

Check.

Not what you want?

Check.

Sara: The black pen

People believe that they cannot fall in love without being neglected in some way, at some time. People are right. Most people are wrong.

Sara: The rock you sit on

You love to hide behind your metaphors, to never say what you are really thinking, to never truly explain yourself. Don't worry, I'll let you have all the poison I own.

Sara: Under my bed

"I'm losing you and it's effortless.."
I hope you're wrong, when you say what you do.
And I hope I can prove it.

Sara: My fathers wisdom

You know what's the worlds worst sport?

Boxing.

Even when you win,

You get beaten.

Sara: You are my sunshine, and you hang in the sky.

Don't you love how the sky is SO blue after bad storm? Like even though it was inconvenient for a while, now all you have to worry about is getting sunburnt? Gorgeous.

Sara: The thing inside us all.

The flow runs through you like wind and you cannot help but think back. You cannot recall when things started to get bad. You can't recall anything for that matter. Life seems like a blur, and the only feeling left is this. And once it's here, it never really goes away. This is the flow. Embrace it. Care for it. Let it be your guide. It thrives off of our curiosity and only becomes stronger after death. The flow knows of no fairness, but somehow it knows loyalty. It cannot be made in a lab or a basement. The flow is the worlds most dangerous and most addictive drug.

Sara: The things I hide in

I'm tired of flipping pages,

I've been doing it for ages and ages.

Sara: The journey home

From what I see,

my ship has already left without me

and

I'm spending my soul swimming after it.

I think,

It's time to let go of the lost cause.

It's time to drown.

Sara: The magicians steady hands

He goes to pull out the carpet from underneath you

In the blink of an eye

You're surroundings have changed completely

The chi is off

The carpet is gone

And you never even felt a thing

Sara: The price of living

We are all people. We all have limbs to move, joints to bend. We all have a soul. We are exactly the same as each other with minor differences. We have no good reason to treat one of ourselves like shit. So then the question arises: Why do we all meet at least one person in our lifetime that makes us despise life itself?

Sara: The Whip

Why do girls whip guys so well and so carelessly? It's the least meaningful thing you can do I would think.. And the ones that do it are usually shallow (only if they continue to lead the guy on and don't tell him what's what) But the guys never even realise it.

Sara: The happiness problem

It is far too easy to get stuck in that moment of happiness. Some of us never get out. Most of us never get above it to see who the person who made us happy, really is. And most of the time; the happiness is superficial.

Something we just made up in our minds.

Something we read up on in our novels or watched on the big screen that we decided we liked the look of.
So you say how happy someone made you. But if they make you sad now.. It's never going to be the same and frankly, the person is probably the exact opposite of who you thought.

Trust me,

I know.

Sara: She wears her fake in her sock, where you may not spot it.

There's a big difference between what's truly unreal and what is only unreal in fiction. There is the same difference between girls who are sweethearts and girls who pretend to be sweethearts. For reasons yet unknown to humans, men have an extraordinarily hard time figuring out the differences.

Sara: We leave secret messages as if we're just borrowing inanimate objects.

"I need it. Mine is broken, thanks :)."

Sara: Tell me a bedtime story.

You write, but not with enough clarity to read. How unfair that you keep such a mind in your closet in fear of not fitting in. Maybe it's because your thoughts scare you; maybe they kill you on the inside. And you think 'if they kill me, what'll other people think?' So you write, but without clarity.

Sara: I hate talking about feelings, too.

And you find different songs to represent your feelings. Because you think you cannot put your own feelings into words. And in the end, the lyrics to the song were never your feelings. The lyrics were a lie. A cover up for things you could not say yourself. A mask. Another thing to hide behind as if in this world you needed one. The lyrics were just stolen feelings; because if you face it, your own feelings scared you.

Sara: I'll be your clown.

You made me happy like a joke that never lost it's touch.

Why is the joke over?

Sara: My fiction.

You didn't become the story I couldn't tell anyone. You became the story I could. You became The Story. You became my story....

Sara: Beep Boop Bam

Did that shiny piece of technology help you fall in love? No. No, it helped break your tiny heart. And made you believe in people who don't exsist. Call me old fashioned, but I'm wondering where romance went. Where face to face sober socializing went. Because I'm frightened without it.

Sara: Society died along with chivalry.

It's the principal of the thing; hasn't it always been.

Then why so easily forgotten.

Sara: I know you.

You present yourself with a picture of your smiling face. But you aren't happy. You're not even close. The only reason you put it up is because no one likes to talk to a depressed soul. The ill natured-feeling soul. You know the feeling I'm talking about. The gutless pit of stomach hurting emptiness that never goes away. The hurt that keeps you from having a normal, sustainable conversation. I feel sorry for you. Because I know how it feels. But I also know that it's a self made pain. Because I don't give myself what I want. Why don't you give yourself what You want? Can you not have it, like I can't have you?

Sara: From me, to you; with annoyance.

The whores think whoring around is gross,
Hey, weren't you the one they caught having sex in the bathroom at that one party?
Oh no, but your not a whore.
The fakes think being fake is stupid.
Hey, aren't you the one who won't set foot outside your house without makeup and a flattering outfit? Aren't you the one who gets all flirty and whiny around boys?
Oh no, but you're not fake.
Bitches hate bitches.
Hey, aren't you the one that told that guy off and that other guy oh and that other one..? All for things that were none of your business? Aren't you the one who does immature things to get back at people and "get them out of your life"?
But oh no, you're not a bitch.

Peoples stupidity astounds me some days.

Sara: Good luck with changes.

Honestly, I don't have anything to say. Everything and everyone I once thought was real, isn't. And it really sucks.

Sara: Fall out.

Everyone seems to fall in love with the one they're holding to change. The one person who needs to turn around and look at what they have. In matters of the heart, if we all got what we wanted, none of us would have it.

Sara: The meaning of my help.

The only reason we're going to talk is because I'm the only one who has been here the entire time. I'm the only one who can reassure you. And that's all anyone is looking for; reassurance.

Sara: The next best thing to real.

I don't know what's more upsetting;

the fact that I can relate to Romeo and Juliet,

or the fact that after wishing all this time that love stories were real,

there finally are..

And I'm unhappy with that.

Maybe we should just leave it all for fiction..

Sara: The words my mother never got to hear.

And that "I'm sorry" is so important. It could change the world.

Sara: Something is not right with me and how was I supposed to know?

Life sucks but while we are here we should paint the walls bright colors and call it a day. People give up so easily. It really hurts and bothers me. They try twice and then are like "are you sure?" if you say yes it's like POOF to them caring. And then they leave you with a "call me if you need anything" like no. I won't call. If you really cared well..you would actually try harder. Love it. Absolutely love. It.

Sara: Who we are, and who we really are.

My eyes are broken. I do not see what I think I see. Somewhere in the process of my mind flipping your image over it changes it,

to the image of your bear soul.

Sara: learning not to act on impulses.

It kills to see you depressed this way. It does. But I won't say a thing. I won't say anything. I will rot from the inside of my heart to the outside of my skin until you decide it is time to let me back in. And if that day never comes it's okay; because by the end of this, I will have rotted enough to be part of the earth. And then when you become part of the earth as well, we'll be connected somehow. Then, we'll be one.

Sara: Your favorite color was purple but you always wore black.

Today, one year you have been gone.

One year without seeing that rare, rare, smile.

One year without needing to tell you to calm down.

One year without needing to sit by your bedside to make sure you were okay.

And only half a year without having someone to talk to.

Baka,

when you died, I met someone.

I could talk to them.. about little things,

about bullshit things,

about anything.

But that is no more.

And I miss you so much.

We all miss you so much.

But I miss that person too.

And I'd do anything to get a second chance at seeing you that one last time,

Because I wouldn't mess it up this time.

And I'd give anything to get a second chance, to not mess it up with the person..

So my breath would once again belong to me.

Bako,

I know I was a pain in the rear some days, and then, I wasn't as kind as I should've been.

But you put up with me, and you made everything o.k.

..I really miss things being o.k.

I love you.

Rest in peace L.K.

Sara: I don't owe anyone an explanation of what I'm about to do.

Let's close our eyes and become wonderful places where men fish for clouds that rain on the stars and the moon; and the wind is our only guide through the dark mind of the universe.

Sara: Conformists bother the heck out of me.

You're days may bend you till you break, and then bend another piece of you. Again, again, you're not strong enough to keep your atoms together; so you snap. But does it all really matter? Aren't we all just bits of nothing, stuck in empty places

Sara: While you slept.

Baby, don't fret. You have given up; I haven't won this war yet.
So you lay down and I will write around you.

Sara: I can't let you go if you've already left.

Damn it, it felt too right.

Looking back I see that I predicted this. I know it was too good to be true, not to be let down again. I've been through everything, now this is just adding onto my way of connecting with people. Just to make SURE I have been in every situation, so I can relate. But I don't relate, not really. My mind is always somewhere else, that's why people get the first impression of me that I don't like them. I can't get back down to earth. My heads to high in the clouds.

And they asked me;
'How do you live with yourself?'
And I told them simply,
'I don't'.

People look at me with sympathy. My good friend cried in thought of my situation. If feels like someone died, all over again. It's like a constant cylcle of I'm sorry's and hugs and sympathetic looks. Just like one year ago. I hate this; I'm fine, I can take care of myself.
It's what I've been doing my whole life...